


The Founding of the "Fuck Steve Rogers" Club

by UnalcoholicVodka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguously Requited Crushes, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Multi, Not Tony Stark Friendly, Pre-Civil War Zemo, The "Fuck Steve Rogers" Club, crackfic, gun - Freeform, just one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnalcoholicVodka/pseuds/UnalcoholicVodka
Summary: They had all severely misunderstood the purpose of this club.
Relationships: A Whole Lot of One-Sided Crushes that I'm Tagging Just to Be Safe, All of These are One-Sided, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Phil Coulson/Steve Rogers, Scott Lang/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Helmut Zemo, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Thor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61





	The Founding of the "Fuck Steve Rogers" Club

“Welcome to the first meeting of the ‘Fuck Steve Roger’ Club. I see we have a very nice turnout. I’ll be the president because I say so. Now let’s introduce ourselves. I’m Tony Stark, you probably know me as the owner of Stark Industries, or Iron Man, savior of Earth. I say fuck Steve Rogeres because that guy is a stiff, old-fashioned pain in the ass who ruined my childhood image of a hero.”

Phil Coulson, Thor, Peggy Carter, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Scott Lang, and Helmut Zemo stared at Stark in silence. They had all severely misunderstood the purpose of this new-founded club, and at least one of them was considering a way to hurt Stark for this insult.

"Son of Coul, you informed me that this association was founded to share our admiration of the captain. Why is Stark our leader if he shows no respect for him?" Thor demanded, a look of thunder on his face.

"Uh, I think there's been a mistake, Thor," Phil said. He started leading Thor out of the Tower. "I wasn't expecting..."

Stark glanced around the room. Huh. He hadn't expected this. He caught sight of a beautiful woman in forties fashion.

"Hey, you! Uh-" he snapped his finders, thinking. "You're that agent my dad talked about. Leggy Parter, right?" Stark leered at her. "Shot the old man-not mine, not that I would have minded- six times on the bullseye. What's Capsicle do to you?"

Peggy was extremely aware of seven pairs of eyes on her. She and Howard hadn't told anyone about her fit of jealousy that day, but somehow his son knew. She might as well come clean then, since she heavily suspected this club wanted an explanation.

"I was jealous," she admitted, "but it was a misunderstanding. I love Steve, and I would never intentionally try to hurt him again. Howard was a much better man than you, Anthony," she added. "Sergeant Barnes, perhaps we should leave."

Bucky stood angrily, and they walked out together after Phil and Thor.

"You're not going to let him get away with that Leggy Parter comment, are ya?" he said, making a face.

Peggy smiled. "I think he'll have enough on his hands with those other people." And she wasn't _actually_ going to let Stark get away with it, anyway. Just not at the moment.

Stark was left with Sam, Natasha, Zemo, and Scott openly glaring at him. He had a feeling starting this club had been a bad idea. "Uh...I mean..."

"Just shut up, Stark," Sam snapped. "I don't know what you've got against Cap, but maybe you need a therapist, not a support group that doesn't even agree with you."

Natasha smiled a cloyingly sweet smile at Stark. "Seniorem ne iniuriae civium, Stark."

They, too, exited, completely exasperated by Stark.

"Leave," Zemo said quietly to Scott, who was feeling a little awkward and quickly followed the suggestion. Zemo reached slowly revealed a pistol he had smuggled in under his jacket. Tony was alone in a room with the most violent of Steve's admirers.

"I say fuck Steven Rogers because I can't tell if his eyes are blue or green," Zemo said contemplatively. He shook his head. "I want to find out."

"Uh, JARVIS?" Tony said nervously. The A.I. did not respond.

Zemo smiled. "Consider this a warning, Mr. Stark. Next time I will not be so lenient."

Outside the Tower, Peggy and Bucky found Phil and Thor waiting for a taxicab. Peggy rushed to catch them.

"Agent Coulson, Thor," she greeted. "I think there was a misunderstanding back there, but perhaps the four of us could form a club without the misunderstandings?"

"Six," Sam said, approaching. "Just to be clear, we all like Steve, right?"

"Absolutely," Phil said, nodding.

"Can I join?" Scott asked, a little daunted by the heroes he had heard about sharing an interest he had.

"I will join, too," Zemo said, strolling up as if he had not just threatened a multi-billionaire with a gun.

And henceforth the eight became known as the "Fuck Steve Rogers" Club.

**Author's Note:**

> Crackfic seems to be my style, hmm. I wrote the first third of this at eleven o'clock at night, and the rest I literally improvised on the spot. Tell me how you liked it! Peggy is here in the twenty-first century because I say so. Zemo says shoot the rich if they insult your crush, or at least severely threaten the rich.


End file.
